Things They Would Never Say....
by LaLuna
Summary: Exactly what the title says. I know this has been done, probably MANY times before, but it's been a while since I posted a humor fic, and I find these enjoyable anyway. Hope you do too! Thanks for reading!


Things They Would Never Say......  
  
Note: I don't own these characters. I never have. I never will . So, stop asking, all of you!!!! Um, yeah. I know this is probably overdone, but hey! I haven't done it yet ! (What a flimsy excuse to be un-original) Oh well. Enjoy .....  
  
Things Raoul Would Never Say......  
  
1.) "Oh, dear lord! I'm late for my lecture on Quantum Physics!"  
  
2.) "You know, I've always wanted to sing professionally ........"  
  
3.) (After Christine has been kidnapped) "Oh, for the love of- You know what? Just screw it! I'm so sick and tired of rescuing her from this, or getting her out of that.....!"  
  
4.) (To Christine ) "Go right ahead, honey . Remember, you're a woman. You can do anything men can do!"  
  
5.) "Of course I'm listening, Christine ! I value your opinion."  
  
6.) "No thanks. I don't drink."  
  
7.) "Yeeeehhhhaaaawwwww!"  
  
8.) "Friends call me Raoul , but you can call me 'Wild Thing .'" *purr*  
  
Things Christine Would Never Say......  
  
1.) "I am woman, hear me roar."  
  
2.) (To her father, sarcastically) "Chyeah, right Dad. Oooohhh, the 'Angel of Music ' is coming ! And then Santa Claus will slide down the chimney and have a party with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny!"  
  
3.) (to her therapist) "You know, my father's the reason my life is so screwed up!"  
  
4.) "I'm sorry, Erik , but I just don't think this is working out. Raoul and I are going to run away tonight and get married ......"  
  
5.) "Men ! Who needs 'em?"  
  
6.) "I think I can , I think I can , I think I can ....."  
  
7.) "Oh, for Heaven's sake, Raoul ! It's just a mouse!"  
  
8.) "But what I really want to do is direct ....."  
  
Things Carlotta Would Never Say......  
  
1.) "Oh no, please . You first."  
  
2.) "Don't you think my aria in this scene is a little too long....?"  
  
3.) "I baked brownies for the entire cast and crew today !"  
  
4.) "...And then I thought, 'Well, why not try life as a blonde ?'"  
  
5.) "Aren't we fortunate to have such an intelligent staff working here at the Opera ?"  
  
6.) "I have decided to join a convent and devote my life to helping others...."  
  
7.) "They're actually not real ."  
  
8.) *sob* "Oh, 'Bambi ' get's me everytime ." *sniff*  
  
Things Madame Giry Would Never Say......  
  
1.) " Opera Ghost ! Bah!"  
  
2.) (To Ballet Girls ) "Perfect ! Never have I seen such flawless dancing!"  
  
3.) (About Erik ) "*Grumble* It's always, 'Madame Giry , get me this!' or, 'Madame Giry , do that!' Don't I have needs , too? Doesn't anybody care about what I want ?!?"  
  
4.) "Dude."  
  
5.) (To Meg ) "Take the Crack and throw it in the river. I'll stall the cops. If anybody asks, deny everything...."  
  
6.) "Back when I used to work in the Burlesque house....."  
  
7.) "That's it! I think it's time to retire."  
  
8.) "The Opera Ghost ? Oh yeah , I know lot's of stuff about him. You shoulda asked sooner . What do you want to know?"  
  
Things Meg Would Never Say.......  
  
1.) "Well, after about a pint of tequila and 3 'Special Brownies,' you can just imagine how good my judgement was....."  
  
2.) "I don't believe in ghosts ."  
  
3.) *Silence*  
  
4.) (To Mme Giry ) "When I grow up , I want to be just like you !"  
  
5.) "Oh Raoul , nobody can ever know about us ...."  
  
6.) "All right , all right . I did it. I cut down the chandelier! And I'd do it again , too! Hahahahaha!"  
  
7.) "I'm really not as easy as I look."  
  
8.) "So then I thought, 'Hey! I wonder how much a mask like this is worth?......'"  
  
  
  
Things Andre and/ or Firmin Would Never Say.......  
  
1.) "Because publicity is down , you all have to wear these 'We Love the Paris Opera !' tee-shirts."  
  
2.) "Let's donate half the money to charity!"  
  
3.) "Our next show will be 'Cats '......."  
  
4.) ".... and THAT is how you do the 'Jitterbug .' Honestly! And you call yourselves dancers !"  
  
5.) "Well, we could have a Bake Sale....."  
  
6.) (To the staff) "Here at the Paris Opera , we like to think of ourselves as one big, happy family...."  
  
7.) (After Chandelier has fallen) "Ugh, it's about time somebody got rid of that awful thing! It's so gaudy!"  
  
8.) "I love my job!"  
  
  
  
Things Erik Would Never Say......  
  
1.) "Christine who.......?"  
  
2.) "I am just SO in the mood to wear pink!"  
  
3.) "As president of the 'Raoul , Vicomte de Chagny Fan Club .......'"  
  
4.) "They're so easy to make, I'll get you the recipie...."  
  
5.) "Okay, who stole my Cheez Curls?"  
  
6.) (In one of the Notes) "I really do love you all......"  
  
7.) "Hmmm.... 'Super Don Juan ' ? No. 'Don Juan Scores' ? No.' Don Juan , that Way Cool Guy' ? Argg! What am I going to call this stupid thing!?"  
  
8.) "Who's ready for some Hacky-Sack !?"  
  
9.) "Nobody move! I think I lost a contact lense!"  
  
10.) "Gotta dance, gotta dance!!"  
  
11.) "So, how many times have you seen 'Titanic ?'" 


End file.
